The last few weeks have been challenging for me.
I've struggled.
I've been on plan.
I've been off plan.
I have basically been going up and down the yo-yo this summer.
Then this weekend happened.
After talking to my husband about money, I became depressed. What it comes down to is that my daughter's dance classes are going to be a lot more than we paid in the past. A whole lot more. We discussed how we are going to be able to do it because right now, we can't. I hate money.
This was Saturday. To make a long story short, I went off plan. The whole money thing sucks. My husband and I work hard. We make enough money to get buy and be somewhat comfortable, but we have to be very careful. We don't really have a whole lot of extra money each month. When we were discussing whether our daughter can do dance, I began thinking....
I have been doing Take Shape for Life for a while. I have been losing, but not as much as I want/should. This summer has been a bust....didn't lose a thing. Yet each month, I am spending a lot of money on meal replacements for myself, and I may not be able to let my daughter do dance. In my mind, I thought, well, this is a no brainer. I am spending all this money on myself, and not very much is coming out of it. I need to stop buying Medifast products, do something else, and let my daughter do dance. I talked about it with my husband. We talked about how hard it is to be eating so differently from everyone else. My family is supportive, but that doesn't stop them from wanting pizza, macaroni and cheese and ice cream. He asked me a lot of questions and we talked a lot. I starting thinking about going off Medifast and trying something different. I even said I would spend the last few weeks on plan, since I still had a few weeks of food left. In the mean time, I would look at something that is less expensive.
Then I woke up Sunday. Sunday, I began thinking, again. I remembered a text my health coach sent me when I was struggling a few weeks ago. She said, "You want this, right?" Yes. I want this. I want to be healthy. I want to lose weight. But like I tell my kids, "It's nice to want things." Wanting something is not enough.
And I am not going to get what I want if I keep doing what I am doing. I could go through all the mistakes I have been making for the last few weeks. I could tell you exactly what I have been doing wrong. But what it comes down to is that I am not doing the program. I do not always get my 5 meals in. I sometimes have a meal or two that is not on plan. I started drinking a lot of Diet Coke. The program is not going to work if I do not work the program. You could say that about any program. Even if I stopped Medifast today and did something else, would it work for me? The answer is not if I continue to do what I have been doing. I am not going to be successful on any program if I don't work the program.
I thought that I was being selfish spending all this money on me. And in a way, it is selfish. I am being selfish if I continue to spend the money and not do the program. I decided instead of going off this plan and do something else, I am going to stick to Take Shape for Life 100%. I am not going to waste any more of my money or my time. If I am spending this money on myself, I am going to do something with it....not waste it. My daughter is going to do dance classes this year. I am not exactly sure how we are going to pull it off, but we will make it happen.
I am not giving up on myself. I am not giving up on my family. Today begins the day I work this program....for real.
