Square Peg, Round Hole

Have you ever tried putting a square peg into a round hole?  Not very easy.  Some would say impossible.

But it is possible....you just have to either force the square into the hole (think hammer).  But when you do that, what happens?

The square is no longer a square.

The circle is no longer a circle.

And you just did a whole bunch of work for two things that are now totally different.

That is how I am feeling now.

My entire life I have struggled with my weight.  I can remember going to the doctor as a child and him telling me that if I stay the weight I was then for a few years, I would be fine once I grew into my weight.  My response was....I don't want to be on a diet for the next 3 years!

But what ended up happening?  I may have tried to diet (I remember eating cottage cheese with peaches a lot), but I didn't maintain my weight, and I have been on a diet ever since.

There have been two times in my life I lost 60+ pounds.  The first was right before I got married and did LA Weight Loss.  That was in the year 2000.  The second time was after I had my two kids and went on Take Shape For Life.  That was in the year 2010.  Each time, I gained it all back.  Those two times were fantastic....but that's not to say I haven't been on a diet ever since.  Since those times, I have tried those plans again.....couldn't stick to it.  I have done LA Weight Loss,  Medifast, Take Shape for Life, Slim Fast, Weight Watchers, The Fast Metabolism Diet, Atkins, Transition Lifestyle System, among many, many others.  My whole life has been on a diet...and look where I am now.

Still overweight.

I was really successful on Take Shape For Life.  About a year ago, I committed to that plan again.  I got a wonderful health coach, I worked the program.....until I didn't.  In the past, being on a restrictive diet worked for me.  I had young kids who were eating babyfood, so it wasn't difficult to make something different for myself.  Now, I have a 11 and an 8 year old who want to eat real food, and see what I am eating.  They watch me like a hawk!  Making meals for them, then for me, then for my husband who works evenings.....it got to be a lot.  My kids would eat in the living room in front of the tv or computer.  We didn't eat at the table because while their meals were done, I was still cooking mine.

I was trying to get that square peg into the round hole.

And I was getting angry.  Angry that I couldn't just have the pasta or the meatballs or the sandwich that I was making for my kids.  I have always wanted to be a role model for my kids.  I want them to see what I do and what to do it too.  I found that the more restrictive I was, I was not showing my kids what it was to be healthy....especially when I would go off plan and eat something I was not supposed to.  When I would eat something off plan.....I really went off plan!  If I was going to have the cheeseburger, I was going to have the fires, mozzarella sticks, chips, and a giant piece of cake.  There was no, just one small piece or one bite.  It was all or nothing, and my kids were watching me.  I was watching my kids make more and more unhealthy choices.

I have had enough.  Enough of myself trying to do something over and over that was not working.  It was not working, and I had to fix it.  I made the decision to go off the Take Shape For Life plan.  It is not a bad program.....it does work!  It is just not the right time for me.

Instead, I joined Weight Watchers the other day.  To be honest, Weight Watchers never worked for me either because if I could have it, I would have it!  I would stay within my points, but not lose weight.  That's because I was not eating the right foods.  I would eat tons of breads, pasta, cookies....then wonder why I wasn't losing weight.  I was not eating healthy, just eating for points.  Now I know better.

I am a different person now.

I am older....and wiser (well, maybe not wise....but I do know a lot about eating healthy and living a healthy lifestyle).  Now, I just have to do it.  I have to live the way I want my kids to see me, because I want them to be healthy too.  I do not want them to struggle with weight like I have my entire life.

So, I am beginning a new journey.  I know this is not going to be easy.  I am going to take all that I have learned, all that I know, and apply it to my lifestyle.  No more wishing.  No more wanting.  More doing.