What am I Doing??

What am I doing....really?

I have been eating anything I want.  I keep getting fatter and fatter.  I am so discouraged.  I am disgusted with myself.  When am I going to get thinner?  What is it going to take for me to lose this weight?  Why do I keep doing this to myself.

I am done with the excuses, so I am not going to give into reasons why I am doing what I am doing.  Here is what I want.

I.  Want.  To.  Feel.  Normal.

I want to be able to walk past a mirror and not look away in disgust.

I want to feel comfortable in my clothes.

I want to wear clothes that are not from the Woman's section, or clothes that are a 2X.

I want to be happy.

I want to be happy and feel good about myself.

It's nice to want things, right?  Wanting things is not going to make things happen.  Wishing for things is not going to make things happen.

Right now, I am not feeling good, or even ok, with myself.

I don't know what to do.  Do I change plans?  Do I stick with what I am doing now?  Do I go ask my doctor about gastric bypass surgery?  Do I join a gym?  Do I just go buy bigger clothes?

I don't know.

Hopefully I will figure it out soon.