Day 1 Eve

I can't even tell you how I am feeling right now.

I am excited.  I am restless.  I am scared.  I am READY!!!

Tomorrow I am going back on the Medifast plan.  I spent the weekend eating, but also looking back at some of the blog I posted on the MyMedifast site.  I realized that I can lose the weight.  I can stick to a program.  I can do this!

I also spent some time looking at myself.  I know....it sounds weird, but I really looked at myself.  I have been living in a fantasy world.  In my head, I am not this size.  In my head, I look good!  The mirror tells a different story.  I can go on and on about my flaws, but what good is it going to do, except make me feel depressed?  I could tell you that my shadow was so huge, I couldn't believe it was me.  I could tell you that the rolls on my back are no longer rolls, but droops of fat.  I could tell you that my stomach is starting to be larger than my chest.  But I'm not.

What I am going to do is forgive myself.  I am going to forgive myself for the times I turned to food to make me feel better, or to hide from what I have been feeling.  I am going to forgive myself for having to buy a size 20 jeans, and shirts that are a 2x.

I forgive me.

I know this journey is not going to be easy.  I know I can not turn to food to solve my problems.  Tomorrow is the first step in a live long journey to being and staying healthy.

My order will arrive this afternoon.  Tomorrow I am going to start my day with coffee mixed with hot chocolate.  Yum!!!

So, good bye fat.  Good by negative feelings.  I forgive myself, and I have the courage to do this.

Tomorrow is the first day of the rest of my life!